We are almost there...

So much has happen in this cycle that I never expected.. I was fully aware of last time I was given a DONATED drug, which looking back made that cycle so much easier! I was put on Bravelle 150iu this cycle plus letrozole 75mg CD 3-7. First ultrasound on CD11 NOTHING. So we bumped bravelle to 225iu... 2nd ultrasound 1 follie measuring 5mm. So keep on going... except, I’m out of meds. 1 pack of bravelle comes with 5 vials of 75mg... 225 is three vials... so now I’m on a mission to find cheap bravelle. I was given what they call the H.E.A.R.T. card which for cash paying patients sells bravelle at only 56 dollars a vial. My insurance does not cover these drugs at all, so I am a cash paying patient now. Three different pharmacies’s had bravelle for over $1000! Walgreens was asking $1175 for 9 vials! Everywhere I went didn’t accept the heart card, so I lose hope. I cried on my way home thinking, god I just wasted 504 dollars on one pack of bravelle, another box was a sample and now I have to buy 9 more vials to complete my cycle. I am at a crossroad... Do I spend another $500- $1000 on meds that I MIGHT get pregnant with or do I accept my fate and call this cycle a bust? After much thought I figured I would try one more time to see if anyone accepted the heart card. One pharmacy, a Walgreens actually, was located in Houston (yay!) there are only 2 places that accept this card...here and el Paso Texas. So I take it as a sign and I go spend $526 on bravelle to finish this cycle.

Today I went in for yet another ultrasound and my E2, which 3 days ago was only a 42.... which is so bad for CD15. Anyways today showed 8 smaller follies... none of which really measuring out, but as we all know too many follies calls for a canceled cycle because they do not promote multiples. I have one good dominant follicle meaning at or around 14-15mm. They say a mature follicle is 18mm (one that usually has an egg) but you never know if they really do have an egg in there. Last month I had 3 very nice follies none of which took. My RE called me this afternoon saying my estrogen was in the 600's!!! WOAH... So no dry apt tomorrow, but possibly to trigger tomorrow night and depending on my blood results on Sunday (2 days from now) I could be doing my 2nd IUI, my final IUI for the summer. This cycle was so expensive, and we aren’t even finished yet. I still have to pay out of pocket for the procedure, that I’ve learned we don’t even get a refund if it doesn’t take. All in the name of a baby is what I tell myself. This is supposed to be totally worth it, and in my case, it is! I went down one road head on, whether I get pregnant or not, I decided to go thru with the rest of this cycle is hopes this will be my time. Total this cycle cost me about $1500... GEEZUS!


*Something I do want to note in this cycle though... The way bravelle is set up is 75iu per vial, but you have to mix 1cc of sodium to mix the powder to inject. I was under the impression and after some research I had to mix 3 different vials with 1cc each, meaning 3 different needles pokes in the stomach. Which I had been doing... 3 sticks a night! My tummy looks like a pin needle cushion. I have bruises and rashes from the sodium. I then find out I only need to mix 1 cc into one powder, take that mixture and inject it in another vial, then again on the 3rd vial. Take that 1cc of mixture plus 225iu of bravelle and inject ONCE. I finally get the news I was doing it wrong, sorta, after 5 days of this! So I am wondering if because the meds were so diluted I was responding slower. I also noticed after I stopped mixing separately my skin has broken out way more; its way more concentrated now, and BURNS when I inject. But.... it’s worth it right? I’ve had to do it so many times, that I tell myself when it starts to burn that this is the last time, one more time, and then I’m doing it again the next night.

I just hope to God this is it for Ben and I. I can’t afford to do this another month, as much as I really want a baby, to have a bigger family, to have more little Grayson’s... It’s just sooo expensive and sooner or later I have to start focusing my life on other things until Ben gets home. If this doesn’t happen this month, it’s a huge loss, and it will hurt... but right now I don’t think it will hurt as much as last month...because I was so sure. This time, no tests. This time, no obbsessing. This time, no stressing over it. This time it’s either a win or a loss. I am glad I kept going though; I still have hope for a good outcome.

Another thing I wanted to document, for me personally, that I even cheated this month and it still didn’t help. I was supposed to start my bravelle on CD15 but I did my first injection on CD14, and even with me cheating it didn’t give me a quicker result, I only did a 75 that day not the 150, and 150 wasn’t doing anything so it didn’t matter. 225 Has helped a bit but only time will tell. I have my fingers crossed though, that this is it.... I pray that it is!