My heart hurts today....

So the doctors assume you want to keep going after a failed IUI or IVF, which is their job because I was so unsure.... so they throw you a new treatment plan and fill a new prescription and then you hit a huge bump in the road. I went to the dr on Sunday to get my 1st cycle ultrasound to see where we are at. I had an ovary full of cysts on the right... but small ones (pcos) and a collapsing cyst on the left, which has caused some discomfort. The ultrasound was pretty uncomfortable and they said usually when your on your period it hurts a bit to poke around down there... I never knew that? The lining looked good, she did not mention a fibroid this time around, she did measure around on the lining but she didnt seemed to concerned that it would cause problems. They did not take blood this time and im also not sure why...I dont think I have actually had an appointment without having my blood taken. Which is a reason the people at work started talking... they would see bruises on my arms and over heard I was in "treatment" and overheard me talking to walgreens about needles for my injections...lol even adults (GROWN ADULTS) make shit up to gossip. SO I met with my boss (linda) who I discussed my situation with, not to its full extent but enough to where she understood what and why I am doing what I am doing as far as treating my health issues and ultimately trying to conceive before needing surgery for whatever reason. She made me feel ok about if I needed to have a day that I could call in as long as I had those dr notes. So the people at work are a little more like "ohhhh I feel like an idiot for fabricating a story to make it sound good". People at work arent the only ones who do that, and its retarded. But anyways... so far my stats to continue this cycle are: 75mg of letrozole, 150 gonal f, novarel, estrogen and progesterone. But today there is a catch... I cant afford it.

One of the BIGGEST reasons I choose to try last month was because I was given a donated medicine that would normally cost me $1700.... and it hurts my heart that it didnt work. Walgreens called me today and said Tricare does NOT cover fertility drugs. They gave me Gonal F this time thinking it was going to be covered by tricare or at least cheaper. They called today and told me my prescription would cost $700.09 for JUST the gonal. I am now beyond discouraged. I dont have that much money to spend on something that obviously only MIGHT happen... not guaranteed...so another $400 for the IUI plus $800+ for the meds. I think I have looked into just about all my options and its just not looking good right now. Im frustrated... im hurt... and the failed IUI hurts even more today when it looks like that could have been my only chance at IUI. Part of me still has hope that SOMETHING will happen... someone will donate again, right? Maybe ill find a thousand dollars on my front porch. I wish the doctor's office could just lie to tricare or something... bend the truth... just simply say im doing HRT. I wish there was SOMETHING I could do.... but today as it stands its not going to happen. Maybe its time to put it out of sight out of mind....