Officially today marked #1 IUI = FAILED. I started my period today, well the process of starting anyways. I am a little concerned that Ive had *TMI ALERT* some green discharge... that to me marks an infection... I would think which might explain why my lower back was hurting. *light bulb* I was really upset yesterday when I got the news that I was not pregnant because I had felt SO sure... I spent the night crying like I thought I would, had a few sad moments today, and then the realization it had truly failed once I started my period. But I cant be sad forever because there is nothing that could change this. It hurts, but its time to move on and depending how this goes I might concentrate on other medical issues like the fibroids this time, or my wisdom teeth, or something and take a month off. I started today meaning I have 3 days to get my first ultrasound... I work tomorrow (1) Saturday (2) and sunday I am off so if they can pull some string for JUST me (doubtful) then I could get my ultrasound done on Sunday and we can move foward with another cycle and more meds. BUT if I cannot be seen sunday I am not sure if Ill be able to start a new cycle right now, because I work monday (4) and tuesday (5) so I would be on day 6 of my cycle which would be to late to start the first meds, so they might wait till I just start another period and hope that we fall on the right days next time... and in the meantime Ill go to the dentist. I am still going back and forth on whether or not I want to do this again... but I think im still dealing with the emotional rollercoaster I just got off. Why would I want to ride again? I know I will one day but ill see how I feel once I talk to my doctor.
I know this process and journey so far has made me appreciate and thank god more for Grayson. At least I had Grayson, thats what we've always said but after this last month its been even more true. Yes there are things I would have done different, alot actually, but hes MINE and for the last year of his life I didnt have to even share, hes mommas baby. He sleeps with me and gives me lots of kisses... I got to experience all this, and I havent had to miss any big steps in his life so at least I had that too. And if he is the only one I will ever have I will never adopt no matter how much I want a bigger family. Grayson will just be held high on a pedestal and be oneeeeee spoiled baby.
0 comments:
Post a Comment