OUCHHHHHH

Today makes 5 dpIUI! Can the time go any faster?! I didnt post last night because I was haing the WORST of cramps. Like right now, its 650pm and I feel as though *cough* I am miscarrying. My stomach is hurting so baddddd. I feel pain on the right, left, and center of uterus. Well... I feel a burning pain in my right ovary, my uterus itself hurts, and some, what feels like, left tube pain. My brain cannot help but think "omg do I have an ectopic?", "omg is this BAD cramping?", "am I going to go to the bathroom and see loads of blood?!". The cramps are really bad for me. I dont feel pregnant, I actually feel down today and discouraged that I even conceived. I was given the HCG shot so I have had some cravings, nothing out of the norm, but today at work we had a sports party and they had a huge container of pickles... even NOT pregnant I love pickles so I took a whole plate full back to my desk. The girls next to me went... "are you pregnant??". My heart sank for a minute saying "AM I?!" but i simply asked why and they said UHM hellooo you have a plate of only pickles. I finally realized what they meant and I said oh no and laughed it off. I am not craving pickles, but why can a girl only eat pickles pregnant?

Last night I FINALLY slept. I mean I haven't slept thru or TILL my alarm in the morning in months. I always wake up around 6am to only lay there for 30 mins checking facebook or email till my alarm goes off and I crawl out of bed to get ready for work. Last night I actually fell asleep, where I wasnt looking at the clock or waking up a million times to grayson getting smothered by his blankets and looking for his bottle. The only thing that got me out of bed was thinking of getting breakfast on my way to work. Speaking of.... I ate so much today its disgusting. I got breakfast on my way to work, ate it in the car in traffic, then I sat at my desk and ate some gummy bears, then had a hotdog with pickles for lunch at our work social, had some chips, cotton candy and a cookie. Free food, why not?? Either way I feel.....ashamed.....hahaha. Tonight I just shared a bowl of spaghetti o's with my son, and I feel even more ashamed. I hope there are more then one in there because they will give me a good excuse of being fat. Then of course my emotions will get the best of me and Ill cry when I hit 200lbs. If im not pregnant, well im just a fatty.

Today also was NON STOP "Tomorrow is judgement day! Tomorrow is the end of the world! Tomorrow the chosen ones will disappear!" and as im sitting at my desk wondering to myself how crazy the peope around me are, I cant help but go "well this new baby better not be a chosen one!". HAHA I figured it was stupid enough to document. I also asked Grayson on the way home if he wanted a baby, he simply said "no". I then asked him if mommy could have a baby and he told me "I dont know". Hes like an 8 ball.... you only get one word answers from it, not every answer is what you want LOL.

The stats:

6 dpo/ 5dpiui: CRAMPS!! Constipation... ohh yeah I know you wanted to know that. Cm is still lotion white...thick. I am only mostly noticing cramps today. I took  my temp this morning and it was only in the 97's, which is low. Also, breakout... all these hormone treatments have given me the WORST breakout. I start taking my progesterone today hopefully that will help with the cramps....right?? I am also taking estrace every night and I still have not done the research on that as to  if thats why I am also getting positive pregnancy tests, yes still, so maybe we have some hope? I am wondering how I am going to make it the rest of the month NOT KNOWING!? I am not even sure if they give an ultrasound until a certain point, so my plan with telling Ben might not work the way I had hoped with the care packages. I dont have any symptoms really, just god awful cramps. I guess thats better then having morning sickness?